plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
