So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
