Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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