i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
