my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
