Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
