Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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