Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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