I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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