We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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