I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize