Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
