Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
