Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize