i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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