He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
