singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
3 2 1 whiskey
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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