Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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