my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Im part way to drunk.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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