I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
