If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
