Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
