He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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