At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
