when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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