it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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