well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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