Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
