i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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