I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
