I wanna bring you to show and tell
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need a beard to bite.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
