my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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