I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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