why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
