ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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