I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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