So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
