So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
