wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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