she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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