why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
