i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
