me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
