So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
