In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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