At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well I just put wine in my tea
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
