i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
its not stalking. its research.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
