The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
