Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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