I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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