the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
