You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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