Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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