why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
