I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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