Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
