my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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