Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
