after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
