Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
