I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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