i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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