Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
