i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
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Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My day in three words: secret purse cake
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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