he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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