you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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