2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
