What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
