New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
