Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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